Funny crap

However you want to spell it (humor/humour), it’s the stuff that I find funny. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll agree with me but luckily it’s a free world.

Five rules to live by

InspiredIt’s important to have a code to help you live your life to the fullest. Here are five rules to keep you on track:

  • Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
  • Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.
  • Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
  • Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
  • Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Reason to smile

Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Exercise is dangerous, reason #101

I’ve always said exercise is damaging to bourbon (try jogging with a full glass and see if you can keep the ice in there). It’s also dangerous for your health. Here’s the proof.

Be safe, folks, stay on the couch.

 

Developing a work ethic

Naked gnomes10 Reasons to go to work naked:

  1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!”
  2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
  3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”
  4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
  5. You want to see if it’s like the dream.
  6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add “Exotic Dancer” to your exaggerated resume.
  7. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.
  8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
  9. Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning.
  10. No one steals your chair.

It’s probably a good thing I work from home.

A cow, and ant and an old fart …

Once upon a time, there was a cow, an ant and an old fart.

The three of them are sitting around one day, debating which of them is the greatest.

The cow says: “I give 50 litres of milk every day, and that’s why I’m the greatest”.

The ant ponders this for a minute or two, then replies: “I work day and night, summer and winter. I can carry 52 times my own weight, and that is why I am, without doubt, the greatest”.

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Why are you scrolling down? It’s your turn to say something.

 

 

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