Online column

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

The news that someone in Cromwell fell victim to one of the many cold-calling scams doing the rounds at the moment is a timely reminder that we need keep our wits about us, both online and off.

Many online Southland Times readers weren’t particularly sympathetic on reading about the victim losing a whopping $4000, but I can’t help feeling sorry for them: not everyone reads or watches technology news and I’m sure we all know someone trusting enough to take the “I’m calling from Microsoft” line as gospel.

It’s not that I’m an extra nice person. In fact, much of the time I’m not even an averagely nice person. However, I really can see how someone who is new to the internet, or maybe just a little naive, can be sucked in. It’s not like the fake lottery/Nigerian scams where people let pure greed get in the way of good sense.

I get fairly frequent calls from the fake Microsoft representatives telling me there’s a problem with my computer and requesting my credit card number to fix said problem. Sometimes, I simply hang up, often uttering a rude word or two before doing so, but I do also quite enjoy wasting their time. I figure if they are tied up on a fruitless phone call with me, they aren’t targeting some other poor bugger.

The simplest method of messing with them is to just pop the phone down and let them carry on talking until they finally realise you’ve abandoned them. They will get the message and hang up. A variation on a theme is to ask them to hold on while you go get your credit card: I’ve found they will stick around for quite some time if they think you’ve taken the bait.

If you would rather go for a more interactive option, try repeating everything they say but making it a question . . . “you’re from Microsoft, you say?” . . . “is there something wrong with my computer?” . . . “do you need my credit card number?”

Or go for the toddler-inspired “but why?” response to everything they say.

More recently, I’ve been a little more creative, reciting the lyrics of whatever song happens to be playing when they call: yesterday it was Rocket Man, last week it was Walk on the Wild Side. However, I think my high point was Barbie Girl: I almost made it to the end of the song before he twigged and hung up on me.

Be careful out there.

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

Is your boss your Facebook friend? Do you want the person who oversees your work also having an overview of your private life?

While chatting with a friend this week, she commented that her boss has friended all the staff at her office and not everyone was happy about it. However, they faced a dilemma: do you reject the boss’s friend request and put him or her offside? Ignore the request and hope they don’t mention it again? Or, as most of them had, do you feel obliged to hit the approve button and live with the knowledge that your boss is now privy to your drunken escapades, romantic meltdowns, “I hate my job” tirades and all manner of other outside-of-work information?

While most businesses have some sort of accepted code of conduct for face-to-face interactions between bosses and staff in the workplace, the online version is often overlooked. Sure, there are usually rules and guidelines for when, where and how you can surf the net (do it in your lunch break, stay away from naked people sites and don’t download dodgy stuff), but I’ve never heard of a company with a policy covering the social minefield of social media on a boss versus staff level.

So, should your boss friend you on Facebook? I think probably not: they are in a position of authority and you may not feel you have any choice but to accept their request because of that imbalance.

If you want to be their friend on Facebook, then that’s fine. But they should allow you to be the one to make the first move.

Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a set of guidelines for strange dudes who insist on emailing messages through my website with details about their dangly bits, but it’s safe to say the accepted unwritten etiquette would be to avoid exaggeration of the acreage of said bits and please, wash your hands.

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

I managed to get through April Fool’s Day pretty much unscathed, unless you count a slightly demented cat trying to ankle tap me from under the bed as an April Fool’s Day prank.

Avoiding the many and varied pranks that populated the internet wasn’t really particularly difficult, since I spent most of the morning stretched out on the couch reading, making the most of an extended long weekend off work.

As usual, Google had a range of jokes, ranging from the not-particularly-believable Google Maps Pokemon Challenge to the ridiculous but sadly too believable Gmail Shelfie that popped up on logging in to your email.

With the Pokemon Challenge, Google explained you’d need to use the map to find nearby Pokemon, then catch them by going to the location in person before adding them to your Pokedex. While I’m sure there are plenty of fans who would be keen to take on the role of Pokemon Master such as my nephew Zeke), I’m pretty sure there would be few people who wouldn’t have twigged that this one was a prank.

However, the Gmail Shelfie, or the SHareable sELFIE, likely had a ring of truth to it for many users: “everyone can now set your Shelfie as their Gmail theme “so they can enjoy checking, reading, and writing emails while seeing your friendly face in the background”.

And while we’re on the subject of selfies, please: stop with the #makeupfreeselfie craze. If you want to donate to cancer research, then do so. But honestly, taking a photo of yourself sans mascara and lippy doesn’t really do a lot to raise awareness of cancer. Besides, some of us rarely wear makeup anyway, so it sort of loses its oomph. I suppose I could just post a #lookingmorehaggardthannormal photo on Facebook instead.

My personal favourite from Google was the Auto Awesome Photobombs, featuring the Hoff. Yes, the feature claimed to let celebrities make a spontaneous appearance in your pictures. Well, just one celebrity to start with: David Hasselhoff, the man, the legend, the Speedo-filler.

If you fancy getting your bum into a more perky state, Virgin Active came up with the idea of a pair of undies with a digital counter on the waistband that counted every time you did a butt-clench, while Domino’s opted for an edible pizza box. Sounds quite reasonable.

The Mail Online rounded up a lot of the day’s offerings and even managed to create a quirky story of its own about the possibility of a new flag if Scotland opts for independence.

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

It’s been an interesting start to autumn so far, with the new season appearing to arrive hand-in-hand with winter.

This follows on from our remarkably summer-ish spring and a decidedly “a bit of everything” summer so who knows what we’ll get by the time the calendar says winter is here; perhaps a tropical cyclone and a heatwave?

Even the weather man seems to be struggling to deal with Mother Nature’s current mood swings, with the handy dandy wee MetService app on my iPad effectively throwing up its digital hands in dismay and shrugging its digital shoulders in an “I dunno” move, listing absolutely no forecast details for the start of the week when I checked on Sunday.

The only person in our house enjoying the weather at the moment is Norman the cat, who seems determined to show just how absorbent one small cat can be by sitting in puddles and gazing adoringly at the falling rain.

She usually follows up that little party trick by running inside, climbing on one of her trained staff (usually me) and sharing her sogginess.

I should point out here that I am in no way cat obsessed.

Well, maybe a little, but I’m rather fond of dogs, too.

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

I it’s safe to say we are all a lot more clued-up when it comes to online security than we were a few years ago, but what about when it comes to our favourite little mini gadgets?

Kiwis are keen on smartphones, tablets and the like, but according to the security gurus at Symantec, we aren’t so quick to keep them safe.

This year’s annual Norton Report on the world of online nasties was released yesterday and shows that there is “a general lack of security awareness when it comes to using mobile devices”.

The number of us who became cybercrime victims increased to one million, but while the global cost is up, the cost in New Zealand is down from $462 million last year to $152m this year.

Symantec New Zealand country manager Michelle Amery says this is because the crims have changed their methods, most likely as Kiwis become more aware of the scams.

The company believes online scammers are also working on the theory that it is better to take smaller amounts of money from a larger group of people because they have more chance of flying under the radar.

Whatever the explanation behind the numbers, the fact that these online parasites are still making money is a worry:

The report also says 27 per cent of New Zealand survey respondents had experienced mobile cybercrime during the past year, up from 16 per cent in 2012, and about one in five of us have managed to lose our mobile device. Ouch.

Add to that the fact that the cybercrims are embracing mobile devices every bit as enthusiastically as the rest of us – developing mobile-specific malware and scams and taking advantage of all those lost and stolen phones – and users who are either unaware or unwilling to protect themselves and you have what Symantec calls a “perfect storm for cybercriminals”.

Security is every bit as important for your smartphone or tablet as it is for your computer, especially if you are using that smartphone or tablet as it was intended: to do your banking, check your emails and generally live your online life.

Another worrying trend for Kiwis in the report is that we are taking major risks online when it comes to social media and “blurring the lines between their work and personal devices”.

Great, now I’ve got that damned song stuck in my brain and a vision of Miley Cyrus waggling her foam finger and other things.

But I digress. The Norton Report says 39 per cent of us are using our personal devices (desktop computers, laptops, smartphones and tablets) for work-related activities and nearly half of those surveyed say their company does not have policies in place for using personal devices for work.

Symantec Pacific region product marketing manager David Hall says that creates new risks for businesses because “cybercriminals have the potential to access even more valuable information”.

But wait, there’s more: we aren’t even very good at protecting our own personal data. Just more than a quarter of those surveyed connect with people they do not know on social media and one in four share their social media passwords with others. Yes, really: we are sharing our passwords. Well, I’m not, but someone out there is and they need to stop. It’s a really, really, incredibly stupid thing to do, so stop it!

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

Over recent months, I have made it my mission in life to spend five minutes online every morning before I start work, finding something that will brighten my day.

Sometimes it feels like the internet is little more than a gathering place for every negative/ sexist/racist/homophobic/douchey person in the world to spew forth their venom so it’s a breath of fresh air to find content that lifts your mood and maybe even encourages you to think a little more deeply.

I don’t know what’s been up with my Facebook feed of late but while I’m happy to accept anyone’s religion, I’m not so happy to accept bigotry: trying to justify posting hateful messages about homosexuality or other faiths by claiming it’s a Christian view doesn’t cut the mustard. If you are a racist, a raging bigot, or a card- carrying homophobe, at least have the courage of your convictions to own your narrow-minded beliefs and stop blaming it on the big guy upstairs.

If you wrap your nastiness in a few religious verses, it doesn’t make you a Christian. It makes you a bigot hiding behind Christianity.

Pastor Tony Campolo is a bloke with an interesting story to share about his views on homosexuality, and why he has those views. He also rebuts perhaps one of the most commonly used phrases trundled out by Christians on the subject of homosexuality: “love the sinner, hate the sin”. Check out the video:

I originally found that video posted on the Upworthy website, a great place to spend five minutes (or five hours) of your time. Subtitles “things that matter”, you’ll find videos and other posts on news items, religion, sport, politics and any other topic you can imagine.

As the name of the site suggests, the content is all pretty uplifting and inspirational. Best of all, most of it manages to avoid being corny and sappy. Some of it will make you laugh, some might even make you cry, and all of it will make you think about things a little differently.

Another uplifting (but sad) read this week was Laurie Anderson’s article in Rolling Stone magazine on the death of her bloke and all-round awesome musician Lou Reed – a beautiful piece of writing.