Online column

This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

Dear Santa,

Well, it’s nearly time for your yearly visit and normally I’d be offering my wish list for your consideration. However, I’m pretty happy with life right now and there’s not a lot that I want.

On the other hand, there are a few requests I’d like to make on behalf of others.

First on my list, I’d like a six-pack of undies for the recently single Britney Spears. The poor girl seems to have kicked out her good judgment and underwear along with her no-hoper ex, so if you could add a few etiquette lessons to her stocking, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.

For Angelina Jolie, how about a bad-hair day? No one can be that perfect all the time, so I’m sure it would be a character-building experience for her.

Katie Holmes-Cruise would welcome a copy of the Do-It-Yourself Guide to Escaping a Cult. She might also need a new couch, if her hubby’s still in the habit of jumping around on the furniture like he did on Oprah.

If you could put together a care package for Victoria Beckham, I’m sure she’d appreciate a dozen Big Macs and a life-size chocolate Santa. As for her hubby, perhaps you could send him a voice coach to help him get rid of his weird, girly voice.

Since Georgina Beyer seems to be one of the very few women in New Zealand politics who can dress well, can we get the lovely ladies from Go Fug Yourself to give our women of parliament a few style tips.

That about rounds out my wish list. Take care, Santa, and I’ll see you next year.

PS: If you want to see what the bloke in red is up to, check out his online home.

This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

If you’ve noticed that among the stacks of spam hitting your inbox every day there’s a growing list of phishing scams, you’re not alone.

It appears half the staff here at The Southland Times were the lucky recipients of a fake eBay e-mail on Tuesday and I’ve been getting almost daily attempts to steal my BNZ login details for months.

Scammers, take note: I don’t bank with the BNZ.

Earlier this year, Kiwibank also became a target for these lowlifes and during the past week Trade Me seems to be featuring on the phishers’ hitlist.

So, what is phishing? According to Wikipedia, it is an attempt to fraudulently acquire sensitive information, such as passwords and credit card details by masquerading as a trustworthy person or business in an electronic communication.

Phishing is typically carried out using e-mail or an instant message.

During the weekend there were discussions on the Trade Me message board about accounts that seemed to have been hijacked, the result of stolen passwords. When an account is hijacked, the scammer can trade on the good name and feedback of the victim, running fake auctions. The possibilities are even nastier if it’s your banking password that’s been stolen Remember, your bank will never send you an e-mail asking for you to reconfirm your login details. Neither will a reputable auction site.

Never click on the links in a suspicious e-mail, type the address for the bank, auction site or any other site. Either type in the legitimate address yourself or use your bookmarks.

If you do mistakenly click on a link and have given out your password, contact the real site and change your password immediately.

DON’T TAKE THE BAIT

• Never respond to e-mails asking for personal financial information
• Do visit banks’ websites by typing the URL into the address bar Keep a regular check on your accounts
• Check the website you are visiting is secure
• Be cautious with e-mails and personal data
• Keep your computer secure

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

Take heart, when it comes to drowning in a sea of spam, you’re not alone.

Lately, I’ve been asked several times where it’s all coming from and sorry folks, it’s unlikely to have anything to do with your surfing habits, cookies from annoying websites or alien probes.

Spam is on the increase and there’s not a lot you can do to stop it.

Israeli specialist technology company Commtouch Software paints a grim picture of what’s happening now, and where we’re going.

Commtouch says internet spam attacks, particularly image spam and zombie-generated spam, have achieved alarming levels of 3.5 million attack patterns in a single day.

Each attack pattern is typically comprised of tens of thousands of e-mails. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Still on the topic of net threats, remember the old saying: You’re not paranoid, they really are out to get you? That’s the case for iPod-users with the news of nasties targeting Windows-based iPods. However, help is available from the lovely people at McAfee.

Meanwhile, if you fancy listening to a spot of poetry on your MP3 player, 57 Productions has launched a site that lets you do just that.

This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

Everyone has a tradesman story, whether it’s a tale of woe or, just occasionally, a legend of derring-do and well-finished woodwork.

The latest online buzz in the world or tradesmen (or women) is My Tradesman, a site where you, the client, get to rate the work of your local tradespeople.

It’s an interesting concept but I don’t know that I’d trust the opinion of some total stranger any more than the advertisements run by the companies involved. Sure, the site’s owner has safety nets in place to try to stop the unscrupulous giving themselves good reviews or their competitors false bad reviews but it’s never going to be 100 percent effective.

A better site might be one that focuses on the second most elusive of tradespersons, the One Who Turns Up. The rarest is, of course, the Veni Vidi Velcro tradesman (the one who came, saw and stuck around to finish the job).

Over the past few years I’ve had need of a tradesbloke on several occasions. When I was a filthy capitalist landlord, the rental property needed repairs after every tenant but each time I hit a brick wall getting anyone to even turn up to give me a quote. In the end, my well-insured other half and I packed up our ladder and did the repairs ourselves. Although I did manage to get a plasterer to finally turn up after stalking him for a month.

Two years ago, when we needed repair work done on our roof, I was stunned when the roofer turned up the day I phoned him, gave me a quote on the spot and managed to squeeze us in to do the job that same day. Well done Yeo Contracting.

Our latest adventure has been trying to get builders to give us a quote for an extension we’re planning. For six months we’ve been phoning builders. In that whole time only two have turned up and of those, one has given a quote, so thank you Howley Building.

Last month, we went through the newspaper and phoned every builder who was advertising for work — not one called us back. Why waste money advertising if you’re not actually going to answer the calls of potential customers?

(Did I mention that I’m going on holiday? So, six sleeps to go. Not that I’m counting. I’ll send you a postcard.)