(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)
Am I the only one who’s finding the aftermath of the election a lot like an episode of Blind Date?
There seems to be a whole lot of wooing going on as the special votes are counted and no one wants to admit they’ve been left desperate and dateless.
Bachelor No 1, what would be your perfect date? “Well Helen, I’d like to throw you down on the front bench and titillate you with my foreshore policy.”
Maybe it’s more like a bad porn movie — all it’s missing is the 70s music and a deliveryman knocking at the door.
Oh look, is that Winston Peters delivering a pizza?
Still on the subject of all that is tacky, eBay has removed yet another body part auction.
It seems there’s a bit of a fad for trying to sell off human kidneys but most reputable auction sites frown upon it.
I don’t think the courier companies are too keen on handling them, either.
If you don’t want to be desperate and dateless like Helen and Don, you could try a visit to leading online dating and relationship site www.match.com.
To celebrate its 10th anniversary, Match.com is offering a love guarantee. Asia Pacific managing director Jane Thompson says the company is so convinced of its ability to turn singles into couples, that if a new member doesn’t find someone they’d like to date within six months, they’ll get a further six months of membership free.
To pretty yourself up for that big date, you could go for the ultimate personalised manicure. For less than $2 a nail, you can get a manicure with a new machine that can paint a photographed image on to your nails. Oh, you also have to travel to Singapore. A group of Singaporean entrepreneurs has launched E-Manicure, a machine with a camera that paints full-colour images on nails in just 30 seconds.
Oh, and if you’re stuck for ideas on just where to take that special someone for the all-important first date, applications are being taken for seats along the red carpet outside Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre for the Academy Awards.