Random crap

Random thoughts and equally random web links. Unfortunately for you, I like to share.

Is that a rocket in your pocket?

Well, it’s been quite a day for all things spacelike, hasn’t it? What with rocket launches and alien invasions that aren’t alien invasions.

Okay, so we haven’t got a Kiwi astronaut going for a  spacewalk in their jandals and Swanndri but we did manage to launch our first home-grown space rocket, so congrats to all concerned. Sure, in the scheme of things Atea-One is just a wee tiddler but it’s the first time a privately-owned rocket has been launched in the southern hemisphere so all-in-all, pretty impressive.

Then there was the weird cloud formation in Wellington. It looked like a spaceship but really was just clouds.

Although, don’t get too comfortable in your alien-free surroundings: Bulgarian government scientists reckon there are aliens among us and that they are in contact with them. Hmmm, like I needed to be told about that … I’ve seen the photos of Suri Cruise …

How to win friends and stalk people

Poor ol’ Bill Gates, he had to give up on Facebook because too many people wanted to be his friend.

Actually, that’s what I find a wee bit creepy about Facebook, the “friends”. I mean really, total strangers want to be your friend online. On Twitter they just “follow” you in a kind of non-menacing stalkerly way. Friending you on Facebook is a whole different level.

Then there’s the people who have hundreds, sometimes thousands of “friends”. Really?

Dude, if you’ve got time to maintain that many friends online, I’m guessing it’s because you don’t have any in real life.

ON THE WEB:

Holy crap Batman

Need help wiping your butt? Want to avoid the onerous task of scrunching up the paper? Keen to do away with the risky business of thin toilet paper being the only barrier between your fingers and … er … your bum?

Then the Comfort Wipe might be for you. According to its own publicity, the Comfort Wipe is the first improvement to toilet paper since the 1880s (although I reckon more people would class two-ply loo paper as an improvement, but there you go).

And the burning question (no, not THAT burning question, if that’s burning you need a doctor): Does everyone in the household have their own Comfort Wipe? I hope so because I’m already creeped out enough by the idea of anyone else using my toothbrush!

That’s a ballsy auction

There are times when I stumble across auctions on Trade Me and am left with one small question: Why?

If you fancy taking ownership of a a set of cat testicles, here’s your chance. Winky the cat had his nads removed about 10 years ago and those very same fur-balls are now on offer, with bidding currently sitting at $5050. You’ve got until next Thursday to stake your claim.

An even more disturbing auction was withdrawn by the seller before it closed: a preserved pit-bull puppy in a jar. Ick.

You feeling lucky, punk?

It’s the big Big Wednesday draw tonight and it seems like everyone’s making plans to win the dosh.

I suppose in the scheme of things, $25 million in cash plus the goodies (cars etc) isn’t as huge as some of the overseas lotteries but it’s still a huge chunk of cash. Life-changing, in fact.

Anyway, according to a Stuff story on the luckiest Lotto numbers, here’s how the odds stack up:

YOUR CHANCES

  • Dying in a car crash on New Zealand roads: 1 in 11,000
  • Having caught swine flu by yesterday: 1 in 40,000
  • Being struck by lightning: 1 in 280,000
  • Being elected Prime Minister: 1 in 4,312,532
  • Winning a share of Big Wednesday: 1 in 2,715,020

Just wondering: whips

Do you ever wonder if the people who buy “equestrian” supplies actually own horses? If those whips and other horsey items really are for equine pastimes or whether they are going to find their way into the bedroom? 

What exactly is a lunging whip, for example? Sure, with the saddle and all you might think it really is something to do with horses but hey, it might be a “spice up your marriage” kit for someone who needs the saddle to practise their dismount. Or something like that.

Reminds me of that old saying: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me … (or something like that).

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