Funny crap

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband:  “I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.” He never heard the shot …

A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper. Teacher: What is this? Kid: It’s a drawing of a cow eating grass. Teacher: *Looks at the paper* Where’s the grass? Kid: The cow ate all of it. Teacher: *Looks at the paper again* Then, where’s the cow? Kid: It left because there was no

After three years of marriage, the wife as still questioning her husband about his lurid past. “C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the thousandth time, “How many women have you slept with?” “Baby,” he protested, “if I told you, you’d throw a fit.” She promised she wouldn’t get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell