Twas the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed
He cursed out the elves and threw down his list
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works
I’ve busted my arse for damn near a year
Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money – The raindeer all fight
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant, and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
The arseholes from IRD sent me a letter
They say I owe taxes if that aint damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?
And all the kids these days – they are all the pits
They want the impossible.. Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls… Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo’s – No request for them
They want computers and robots… They think I’m f**kin IBM!
If you think that’s bad… just picture this
Try holding those brats.. with their pants full of piss
They pull on my nose – they grab my beard
And if I dont smile – their mums think I’m weird
Flying thru the air… dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I’m quitting this job.. there’s just no enjoyment
I’ll sit on my fat arse, and draw unemployment
Theres no Christmas this year… now you know the reason!!
I found me a blonde, I’m going SOUTH for the season!!!
I’ll laze in the sun, into bed I’ll get tucked
And those snotty nosed brats… can go and get f**ked.
