(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)
So, let’s say you’re a flat-chested chicky-babe with a dream of one day being a tad more boobalicious.
And let’s say you don’t have the cash to pay a nice cosmetic surgeon to help you achieve that dream.
How do you fund the surgery? Do you:
A. Sell everything you own on Trade Me
B. Take out a loan
C. Wait until your husband is asleep and sell one of his spare kidneys and/or testicles on the black market
D. None of the above
Surprisingly, the correct answer is D. As in D-cup.
In today’s net-savvy world, there’s a far better way to get yourself filled out, and that’s via donations from kindly people only too pleased to fund your quest for extra boobage.
Proving that there’s something on the web for everyone, My Free Implants brings together poor, unfortunate, breast-deficient women and kind-hearted benefactors who desire nothing more in life than to bring joy — and mammaries — into the world.
The site features the heart-warming success stories of women like Tawney, PlayBunni, CutieWithABooty and others who have been lucky enough to have received the donations for their surgeries. Awwww, if that doesn’t warm the cockles of your heart, I don’t know what will.
Maybe there’s something to be said for cyberbegging and perhaps it’s time I had some full-on panel-beating done myself. After all, I’m not getting any younger. And then, after all that surgery, I’d need time to recuperate. Perhaps I could set up a website of my own: www.myfreeholidayhomeinthesouthoffrance.com.