As 2002 draws to a close now seems as good a time as any to announce my choices for the best of the net’s weird links.
During the past 12 months I’ve scoured the net looking for interesting sites with my trusty sidekick Seymour the cat. It’s at his insistence that the first award is made.
The Kitty Litter award for gratuitous use of cutesy kittens to sell a site: there was tough competition in this category, with Bonsai Kitten and its range of techniques for this ancient art and Rate My Kitten’s endless photos of cute and not-so-cute kittens. However, in the end it came down to two offerings from one site. Rather Good’s While Punk Kittens, the combination of Led Zeppelin and kittens proved too good to beat –so the award goes to Viking Kittens.
The interweb thingy award for computer torture: Stupid Computer Tricks features a series of photos showing what NOT to do to your computer that will have IT-types around the world clutching their pocket protectors in fear. Check it out soon, the webmaster plans to remove the gallery possibly within the next week.
The sad but true award: I’m not sure what I find more disturbing, that Talking Presidents is the first and only creator of United States presidential action figures or that the company’s first release – the George W Bush doll featuring 17 different phrases in his own voice – is currently sold out.
The Take This Job and Shove It award: Tired of the daily grind? Ready for a career change? Become a minister with the Universal Life Church – it’s free and, according to the site, 100 percent legal. You can become an ordained minister and start your own ministry or church of any faith or religion with this very inclusive organisation (yes, they even accept cats, Seymour is now taking bookings for weddings). The site says “Yes, YOU can be a legally ordained minister just five minutes from now. Yes, we offer free online ordination and it takes only three minutes … Now where did those extra two minutes come from?
The Tiny Tim small but interesting award: Point your browser Guimp to take a look at the world’s smallest site.Yes, it’s small but perfectly formed.
The Paul Holmes small but annoying award: the infamous hampster dance site is still bouncing around. Will those hamsters ever quit?
The word-a-day toilet paper award: the Dialectizer takes text or other web pages and instantly creates parodies of them using different dialects. You can choose from redneck, jive, cockney, Elmer Fudd, Swedish chef, moron, pig Latin or hacker.
The Mr Ed award for just plain weird use of horses: This little flash movie of four singing horses kept Seymour entertained for a good 10 minutes.
Public service award: Courtesy Flush, where you’ll find the answers to life’s real etiquette questions, including what level of conversation is acceptable when using a urinal.
The Helen Clark artistic merit award: This prestigious award just had to go to Stick Death Theatre for the quality drama on offer. Here you’ll find it all – sex, intrigue, death and more. Shakespeare, eat your heart out.
The I should be a government consultant money for nothing award: We had a tie in this category. First up is the Amazing send me a dollar website, where the webmaster simply asks that you send him a dollar to post on his message board and help him get his 15 minutes of fame. So far the tally stands at $4934.28. There’s also Save Karyn, where Karyn is asking the world to help her pay off her debts. Her surprisingly successful venture has netted $13,323.08 to date.
And a drumroll please … The saving the best for last award: an interview with God will provide a few chuckles while still delivering a timeless message and some sensible lessons, such as do no harm and don’t pierce your nipples.