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Plucked from the headlines, online and in print

Unlike the parrot, she isn’t pining for the fjords*

It was a story that had the makings of a Hollywood tearjerker: hunky jock loses both his grandmother and the love of his life in the space of six hours, then goes on to lead his football team to an astounding upset win instead of going to his girlfriend’s funeral because she wanted him to keep playing. Wow. Break out the tissues. But did Lennay Kekua (the girlfriend) really die? More to the point,...

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Beware the ominous bulge

Beware the ominous bulge

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Something happened at the cricket

Something happened at the cricket

It should have been front-page news: something actually happened at the cricket on Tuesday. And it even involved a cricket ball … along with a couple of other, more fragile balls. One of the cricketers took a direct hit in the box (a flimsy plastic protective device intended to keep the nether regions of vulnerable cricketers safe and cosy). The box cracked and all other team members were suddenly very interested in the state...

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Such sensitive wee souls …

Such sensitive wee souls …

I’m not a fan of telly ads most of the time, an aversion I probably share with most of you out there. And after working nights for all those years, I got into the habit of recording the programmes I wanted to watch and viewing them at my leisure (and with the ads scudding past on my screen via the wonderful fast-forward button on my remote control). I’ve been working days for three and...

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From the “No shit, Sherlock” files

From the “No shit, Sherlock” files

I stumbled across what appeared to be a news story on the Mail Online website but a close look clarified just what it was I was looking at: what we in the business call a beat up. The Daily Mail, that online bastion of … er, crappy gossip stories and other trashy journalism that does absolutely nothing to aid the credibility of the profession has taken to the whole internet thing like the proverbial...

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Trent: stop fondling your bits!

Trent: stop fondling your bits!

I suppose any headline proclaiming a father of 14 to be a virgin is going to get your attention, but having taken a look at this guy I can’t say I’m surprised he became a father via sperm donation. This “organic” dad started his own free sperm bank and proceeded to be his own best customer. He says he has an ideal gene pool to father children. Hmmm, is it just me or does...

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What a bunch of boobs

Opinions are a lot like arseholes: everyone has one and most of them are full of shit. Right now, it seems every man and his dog has an opinion on breastfeeding and they are keen to share those opinions. Mothers opt to bottle feed for many reasons: sometimes they are unable to breastfeed no matter how hard they try, sometimes mothers get sick, sometimes babies are born early and are unable to feed, sometimes...

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Anonymity: you’re doing it wrong

Anonymity: you’re doing it wrong

At least they know how to spell anonymity, I suppose. Now perhaps they can look it up in a dictionary, because I’m pretty sure they don’t know what it actually means! Maybe Ms Reynolds wore a maskĀ  while being interviewed.

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Poor wee ronery dictator

I realise there are some people out there who lack something in the brain cell department, but when someone is in the public eye you’d think they’d make an effort to know what they’re talking about. But, when it comes to celebutards who are famous for nothing more than living their lives in public, that’s too much to ask. Some silly bint on the Pommy version of Jersey Shore (something called The Only Way...

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