Month: May 2010
There’s a lesson in all this …
… if you’re home alone watching porn and playing with your nether regions, lock the damn door.
Apparently I’m not a ninja
After consultation with the rest of the trainees learning about all things health and safety-ish at our course, we are not in fact qualified health and safety ninjas. We’re just fully trained health and safety reps. Which isn’t nearly as…
I’m lost for words
Trust me, I’m (nearly) a ninja
It’s been a busy old day, in a weird kind of way. I wasn’t actually at the office, I was instead being trained in the dark arts of health and safety by a nice bloke named Ray. It was fairly…
High-pitched chicks in horned hats v popular TV
I wonder why Dame Kiwi Te Kanawa has got such a bee in her operatic bonnet over reality TV? She’s had a swipe at Susan “I Dreamed a Dream” Boyle and reality TV talent shows in general during an interview…
Marital bliss (or “husbands v wives”)
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked: “What’s on TV?” I said: “Dust.” And then the fight started … »»»»»»»»»»»»»»» ««««««««««««««« My wife was hinting about what she wanted…
Since Metallica’s coming to our shores …
Big news, apparently
Shane Bond is retiring from cricket. You know, that weird “sport” that can take three days to play and still not get a result. I mean really, the “sport” is so slow I’m surprised he can tell the difference between…
‘They’ are out to get you
(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times) Do you ever get the feeling that everyone’s out to get you? Do you ever worry that “they” are watching your every move? That “they” will do whatever is necessary to…