Marital bliss (or “husbands v wives”)

May 18, 2010
By

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked: “What’s on TV?”

I said: “Dust.”

And then the fight started …

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said: “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started …

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive … so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started …

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked: “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” I sighed, “she’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says my wife, “who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

And then the fight started …

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started …

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and asked: “Do you want to have sex?”

“No,” she answered.

I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started …

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