Newsy crap

Symantec’s eighth volume of the Internet Security Threat Report, one of the most comprehensive sources of internet threat data in the world, was released this month.

The semi-annual report, which covers the six-month period to the end of June, says malicious code that exposed confidential information represented 74 percent of the top 50 malicious code samples reported to Symantec, up from 54 percent in the previous six months.

Now is as good a time as any to upgrade your online security.

Beware the latest worm threat — W32.Zotob.E can run on, but not infect, computers running Windows 95/98/Me/NT4/XP.

Computers running these operating systems can be used to infect vulnerable computers.

Microsoft patched the problem earlier this month but if you did get hit by this beastie, you’re in good company.

It seems several high-profile media outlets in the United States have fallen victim to this one, including CNN and the New York Times.

The date’s been set so brace yourself for the impending onslaught of excited politicians looking to shake your hand, kiss your baby and secure your vote.

Interestingly, September 17 probably isn’t too far away from the date the 2005 NZ Idol winner will be announced. I wonder which event will have the greater voter turnout.

For the briefest of moments I thought about auditioning for Idol but my advancing years put me out of the running. After watching a couple of episodes last year, the fact that I can’t actually sing didn’t appear to be a problem. However, I watched this week’s episode and found that there were a couple of contestants who I’d quite happily listen to, including Invercargill’s own Steven Broad.

The other six in the group made me want to pop my own eardrums with a crochet hook.

But I digress. For some reason, Kiwis seem keen to pay 99c a shot to vote for all manner of televised events so perhaps this would be a good way to grab the interest of voters. The general election could be run over several weeks, with one party kicked off the show until we’re left with one winner.

Although, if Don Brash turned up wearing low-riders and lots of bling I’d probably have to poke my eyes out, too.

If any of our illustrious politicians feel like a change of career they could follow a path taken by many a failed star and have a crack at being a porn star. According to the porn star name generator, Helen Clark’s on-screen name would be Cassie Buttock while Dr Brash would be Quincey Throb.

The rock solid, ghetto shiznit name generator tells me Dr Brash — should he choose to walk the ghetto streets with yo homies — would be known as Doctor Lobos.

If you’re wondering how newspapers in the US handled the Saddam-in-his-undies saga, here’s the answer. There’s not much I can say on the subject except he’s a hairy wee monkey, isn’t he?