Entertainment crap

Movies, music, telly and anything else that might be deemed entertaining (possibly Tasers)

Beautiful people but what is the true cost?

Watching the final of TV One’s Dancing With The Stars caused some mixed emotions.

There was the joy and pride at seeing our Norm boogying his way around the dance floor in a totally blokey way and winning the whole competition.

Then there was the horror of Jason Gunn dusting off his dancing shoes and giving us the old song and dance routine. What works well on kids TV doesn’t necessarily translate well for prime time.

Next came the fear: would he follow the lead of Norm’s dancing rival, ex-Shortland Street actor Shane Cortese, and whip off his shirt? Fortunately he didn’t but just thinking about was one of my more horrifying experiences for the year to date.

And as for young Mr Cortese and his topless shimmying — flashing your man nipples at a nationwide audience isn’t so impressive when youre sharing the limelight with a bloke like Norm. You might not be a Mr Puniverse candidate but what muscles you do have pale in comparison to Stormin’ Norman.

At least Norm didn’t feel the need to get his gear off to win over the audience. Not that I’d have complained.

Still on the subject of beautiful people, growing numbers of Kiwis are combining a holiday with a bit of panel beating in a phenomenon known as medical tourism.

This involves taking a holiday to some far-off exotic location where surgical costs are incredibly low but the surgeons are, usually, highly skilled.

Some are taking this path to have surgeries that have long waiting lists here in Godzone — such as hip replacements. However, a lot are doing it for cosmetic surgery.

Medical Tourism has plenty of in-depth information while Planet Hospital will arrange everything for the discerning traveller, from surgeon to translator.

It’s a huge industry, and it’s growing fast. Experts believe medical tourism could attract a further 1 million visitors to India each year.

I suppose a boob job isn’t your run-off-the-mill holiday souvenir.

Dancing Tim earns support from online traders

(This is the Online column written for The Southland Times)

 Mayor Tim has been copping a bit of flak over his efforts in the infamous dance competition but there’s still plenty of support for him.

Right now, there’s a thread on the Trade Me message board full of support for Tim from traders as far afield as Masterton, Blenheim and Stratford.

To the organisers of TV One’s Dancing With the Stars, the agitated letter-writer and grumpy judge Alison Leonard: pull the proverbial stick out of your collective butts and enjoy Tim’s efforts for what they are — a whole lot of enthusiastic fun.

However, had he been voted out for crimes against fashion with that frilly blue and yellow number he wore a couple of weeks ago (Tim, what were you thinking?), I would have been disappointed but understanding.

Be thankful I didn’t report you to the Fashion Police.

For anyone who thought the blue and yellow frilly specimen looked good, you might like to take a look at FashioNZ to get an idea of what works and, more to the point, what doesn’t. There’s info here for Kiwi blokes and bloke-esses, young and old, about the world of fashion and where to buy it.

Mix It Up is another New Zealand fashion site, this time probably more suited to the younger shoppers, especially those on a budget.

If you really just feel like having a laugh at the expense of some other poor bugger, Etiquette Hell’s bridesmaid dress incinerator, listed in the wedding etiquette section, is always good entertainment.

If none of that interests you, fluff up you mullet, break out the trackies and see if you can make the infamous Mr Blackwell’s worst-dressed list.

Hey, if it’s good enough for Paris Hilton, it’s good enough for me.

The world of Bikini Bottom

Oh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea? If you don’t know the answer to that question, you need to start watching more quality television.

The answer is, of course, Bikini Bottom’s own Spongebob Squarepants.

This cartoon is seriously good fun and proving popular with young and old alike and our resident Southland Times TV reviewer Maree Scott even gave the show a plug in her column on Saturday.

However, I did wonder how it was possible to write about this awesome little half-hour of entertainment without mentioning Spongebob’s trusty companion Gary. Yes, I know it’s a little far-fetched — snails don’t meow, have teeth or wear shoes — but all that aside, Gary is Spongebob’s pet snail and in that dramatic episode where Spongebob had forgotten how to tie his shoelaces, it was Gary to the rescue.

Spongebob World is a site dedicated to serious fans all around the world and includes the programme’s theme song. Fans should also check out the official site for all the latest news and info along with some extra goodies.

The big news on the Spongebob front is the release of the Spongebob Squarepants movie. I’m not sure when it’s hitting screens here in New Zealand but you can bet your last crabby patty I’ll be going to see it.

Be sure to visit the website, where you’ll find four trailers along with some snippets from the soundtrack. It looks set to be an action-packed drama, with the evil Plankton unleashing plans to take over the world and Gary (gasp) getting enslaved.

It’s up to Spongebob and neighbour Patrick to save the planet.

There’s also a special guest star — an actor who has been out-acted by a car, is known for his red Speedos and hairy chest, gave the impression of being as dumb as a stick when he appeared on Whose Line is it Anyway a year or two ago and, apparently, helped end the Cold War. Yes folks, it’s David Hasselhoff.

I’d like to say his one redeeming feature is that his music career was short-lived but sadly, he’s still making CDs. His latest album is at No 11 in the Austrian charts.

It seems someone loves him, and it’s not just the Austrians. The official David Hasselhoff site of worship  (note: used to be knightfoundation.org but this site appears to have dropped off the net since the writing of this column) describes him as a living legend and goes on to say no other man has done so much for big chest hair and smooth chatup lines.

So there you have it, Mr and Mrs Squarepants’ little lad Spongebob is a star of the big screen. Incidentally, I’ve never worked out how the boy himself came to be so angular when his parents are almost spud-shaped.

Big Day Out voting available online

Do you feel like you didn’t get value for money with your vote in the local body and health board elections?

Here’s your chance to make a vote that counts, and will actually be counted. Go to Jack Daniels Live n Local, where you can vote for a Kiwi band to hit the stage at next year’s Big Day Out.

Even better, you can show your support for Invercargill band Starkers, sitting at 10th on the list at 4.30 this morning. Good luck guys.

That’s all for now. Don’t forget to go vote for Starkers.

A for ingenuity; F for effectiveness

British anti-virus firm Sophos found a work wanted ad tucked away in the code of the MyDoom.U and MyDoom.V worms.

In a bad sign for the virus-writer, the worm isn’t spreading too fast but I suppose you have to give him or her an A for ingenuity.

If you use a webcam, take note: Sophos has found Rbot.GR virus doesn’t simply follow the usual trend of infecting hard drives, stealing passwords and launching denial-of-service attacks, the little sucker also takes over webcams and microphones to spy on unsuspecting victims.

Feel like you’re being watched?

Someone who doesn’t mind us spying on his daily routine is Kiwi film-meister Peter Jackson. Kong is King has all the latest news and goss from the King Kong set, including Jackson’s production diary.

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