A night at the theatre, with chunks

May 19, 2014

Oh Jasmine, we’ve never officially met but I just wanted to say that I am glad we had the good sense to put some distance between you and us on Friday night. And I can’t help but wonder just how you are feeling today.

Who is Jasmine, you may ask? And indeed, that is a good question.

booze-warningWe went along to the 2 Degrees Comedy Convoy show (part of the NZ International Comedy Festival) on Friday night and after finding our way to our seats, we settled in for what we hoped would be a bit of a giggle. And then they arrived: a gaggle of already drunk, raucous, cackling, swearing young women who lined up in the five or six seats in the row behind us and proceeded spend the first half of the show kicking the backs of our seats and knocking over the booze they had apparently smuggled in (full sized bottles of wine). There was a river of cheap wine and beer trickling under our seats but the little coven behind us still somehow managed to get more drunk even though they were sharing so much of their booze with the floor.

But the show was good and the laughs were coming thick and fast. Unfortunately for us, Jasmine had the loudest, most obnoxious laugh ever heard. It didn’t really sound like a laugh … it was more of a Yeti mating call.

And that noise emanating from our dear Jasmine was so loud and invasive, it attracted the attention of Paul Ego, the poor bugger trying to perform on stage. To be fair, he took the piss out of her while managing to extract some information out of the gentle wee soul, which is how we all came to know that the woman behind the headache-inducing noise was a teacher named Jasmine, with a surname that sounded surprisingly like Hairy Target (something that gave Ego a tangent to explore … ).

Half-time arrived and I was wondering if I could handle another hour or so of Jasmine screeching in my ear. While I was pondering this, the girls all decided to pop out during the intermission. As they all left their seats and managed to hit every poor bugger in the row in front of them in the head with their arses and I’m pretty sure one of them farted on the way past. Do these people not know that leaving your seat isn’t a contact sport?

Anyhoo, I suspect a trip to the bar was the initial plan. However, by the time they returned I’m not sure if they made it that far.

Jasmine needed a bit of help to get back to her seat and looked a tad ill. I suspect she may have spent the intermission having a bit of a chuck.

Hubby and I both had the same idea: do we really want to sit here? This girl looks like she’s gonna blow (chunks) and we don’t want to be in the firing line. There were some empty seats a row in front of us and we thought about moving there but instead headed for the rows at the back of the theatre.

Ahhhh, the second half of the show kicked off and we were able to sit back and relax, and enjoy the comedy without the risk of bleeding eardrums from shrieky Jasmine.

The nice usher lady was sitting behind us, giggling away at the comedy offerings and enjoying herself.

Then I heard a noise. Ooh, I thought, that sounded a little like someone throwing up. Half a dozen rows in front of us, Jasmine and her friends up and left. In a hurry.

About a minute passed, and all of a sudden at least three rows of people stood up and did a runner. Yes indeedy, Jasmine has tossed her cookies.

Some of those people left the show completely, some noticed the other empty seats at the back of the theatre and sat there. The nice usher lady and the bloke who was on the door when we arrived then had to clean up the mess as the show went on.

It stunk, both literally and figuratively. Although, they managed to deal with the literal stink with a can of air freshener.

While Jasmine was a bit of a numpty for getting trollied and chucking up in a crowded theatre, her friends were worse: not one of them was a drunk as her, in fact one of them appeared quite sober, but instead of getting her out of there when it was obvious she was so green ’round the gills, they took her back to her seat and just tried to get her to drink some water.

Clever.

Anyway, if you know Jasmine the teacher with a surname that sounds like Hairy Target, pass on my good wishes and gratitude that she waited to do her technicolor yawn until after we’d changed seats.

PS: The show was awesome! The acts were Paul Ego, Justine Smith, Markus Birdman, Carl Donnelly and Jarred Fell … all of whom were very, very funny. And not vomit-inducing at all.

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Color Club Poptastic nail polish

May 18, 2014

2014-04-colourclub

I really wanted to love this. The colour was that awesome bright pink shade on the left, which was a bit of a shocker for me:  I don’t normally do pink colours at all, and especially not bright pink, but this was just so bright and cheerful that I couldn’t help smiling.

And once painted on the nails, the colour developed an amazing depth. The first coat looked a little wishy-washy, the second coat still seemed a bit thin. However, the third coat set the colour and delivered something incredibly vivid.

Unfortunately, the stuff just doesn’t stay put. Even with a top coat. It’s as bad as the cheap stuff from the $2 stores. But a tad more expensive.

COLOR CLUB Poptastic Nail Polish (RRP $14.95 for 15ml)

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Sebamed Anti Dry Derma-soft Wash Emulsion

May 12, 2014

2014-04-sebamed-antidryThis creamy emulsion is pH balanced, making it great for sensitive skin. It isn’t strongly perfumed like some cleansers, and is really quite gentle: no stinging or redness after use with this one.

It does a good job of cleansing the skin and has no drying effects. However, while I found it hard to fault on performance, it is no better than Cetaphil but the price tag is quite a lot steeper (for around the same price you’ll get a 500ml pump bottle of Cetaphil).

SEBAMED Anti Dry Derma-soft Wash Emulsion (RRP $20.40 for 200ml)

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He was such a nice boy

May 11, 2014

neonazi

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Manicare Invigorating Sponge

May 8, 2014

2014-04-manicareA basic sponge with a textured fabric cover, this  “Invigorating Sponge” is supposed to be good for regular shower or bath use to exfoliate all over.

I know the experts say exfoliation is a good thing but I’m afraid I always end up feeling like I’ve been sanded, but this one was nearly user-friendly.

With the promise of improved circulation and “glowing soft skin”, I gave this a try. I’ve been treading very gently, not getting too enthusiastic at shower time, and have managed to make it through the past week without feeling like my skin has been shredded. However, the promised glowing soft skin never eventuated.

If you’re an exfoliator, go for it. If you are like me (stupidly sensitive skin), stick with a friendly face cloth and soap-free cleansing lotion.

MANICARE Invigorating Sponge (RRP $9.99)

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Carol Priest cherry lip balm

May 7, 2014

2014-04-carolI’ve never been a great fan of cherry-flavoured anything so wasn’t overly enthusiastic about trying this.

However, I gave it a shot and have to say that flavour-wise, it wasn’t totally disgusting. In fact, it was almost inoffensive.

Unfortunately, the balm is quite greasy to start with, then disappears rather quickly. Stick with Chapstick.

CAROL PRIEST Cherry Lip Balm (RRP $17.50 for 10ml)

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MEET YOUR BLOGGER

Jillian "George" Allison-Aitken

I live in the deep south of New Zealand, where smelly dairy cows are taking over from sheep in the livestock stakes. My hometown is the small but perfectly formed city of Invercargill, which is also the hometown of the original boy racer, Burt Munro. Find out more about me here.

DAILY QUOTE