My latest rant

Sometimes I just need to rant. Be afraid, you are my captive audience.

Hold the front page: entitled brats have a whinge

Hold the front page: entitled brats have a whinge

As a born-and-bred Southlander and a proud Invercargillite, I’m not sure if I’m most pissed off at the whinging couple from Hamilton who didn’t like their Air New Zealand Mystery Break, or at the idiotic, pandering media for giving them their five minutes of fame. If you’ve been living under a rock, or perhaps hanging out at a Hamilton STI clinic (more on that later), you might have missed today’s “breaking news” on both...

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I’ve got a bone to pick with someone

I’ve got a bone to pick with someone

What’s that sound I hear? Probably my dear old mum spinning in her grave. Well OK, she was cremated so that analogy isn’t quite right, but you get my drift. Gotten … can you believe it? GOTTEN? The past tense of get it GOT, not gotten. It appeared in the headline of a travel story I clicked on the other day, and out of curiosity, I did a quick search on Stuff for “gotten”....

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How about we worry about the REAL issue

Over the past week or so there has been a good bit of whinging over the planned name of a new organisation that aims to help vulnerable children in this country. The old Child Youth and Family is being shut down so it can be replaced with a new agency next year: the Ministry for Vulnerable Children. The Children’s Commissioner Andrew Becroft is having a moan: the name is, apparently, “cripplingly disappointing”. And Labour’s Children’s...

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And the winner is … Chorus

And the winner is … Chorus

The gushing news reports would have us believe that everyone in Dunedin is celebrating their little corner of the world winning the much-hyped Gigatown competition but let’s be honest: it’s Chorus that should be doing all the celebrating. This year-long marketing “competition” was a brilliant marketing ploy for the company: the lovely citizens of the various towns and cities wanting access ultra-fast broadband took part in quizzes and promotions that used the “gigatown” tag,...

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Weather or not you believe it …

The whole global warming debate continues, and while it’s hard to see it as global warming when we froze our collective arses off here in New Zealand last summer (but had an almost tropical winter), there is no doubt that something dodgy is happening to our climate. So let’s call it climate change, which covers all the weather wonkiness and makes it easier to comprehend for those who stick their nose out the door...

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Ice, ice baby

It seems like everyone in celebrity-land is jumping on the ice challenge bandwagon at the moment, with a raft of famous faces taking part in a soggy challenge in the name of a good cause. And it has to be said: Bill Gates has geekified the whole thing and taken it to a new level. Do I detect a spot of deja vu? Didn’t we already do that here? OK, so our watery warriors...

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The stench of oversharing

The stench of oversharing

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times) During a chat about the perils of Facebook this week, a workmate reminded me of the old saying that compares houseguests and fish, but I reckon the internet has given Benjamin Franklin’s famous quote even more oomph. The United States founding father and inventor of the lightning rod and bifocals said that both fish and visitors stink after three days but I suspect that...

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Small victory for fat chicks

Small victory for fat chicks

Radio presenter Rachel Smalley found herself in the poo after a not-so-timely comment or two this week but it was her attempt to weasel her way out of it that offended me. Smalley thought her mic was turned off after a news story about the effectiveness of an emergency contraceptive pill for women weighing more than 70kg. Obviously gravely offended by the knowledge that the average New Zealand bloke-ess weighs in at  (gasp) 72kg,...

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Shock, horror: Wrinkle alert!

I make no secret of the fact that I am no fan of any of the Kardashians (famous for fuck all apart from dodgy marriages and, well, actually that’s about it). But I really think it’s scraping the bottom of the barrel to be banging on about Bruce Jenner’s puckered jawline being a combination of ageing and botched plastic surgery. Yes, he may well have had some questionable plastic surgery back in the day...

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One for the haters

The sad death of Charlotte Dawson at the weekend has reignited the whole debate over online assholes being, well, assholes. Not that it’s much of a debate: “if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then keep your trap shut” is probably a good code to live by. Unfortunately, there are plenty of trolls out there who get their kicks from aggravating and annoying. If you’ve spent any time on a message board or...

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