In the news

Plucked from the headlines, online and in print

Hold the front page: entitled brats have a whinge

Hold the front page: entitled brats have a whinge

As a born-and-bred Southlander and a proud Invercargillite, I’m not sure if I’m most pissed off at the whinging couple from Hamilton who didn’t like their Air New Zealand Mystery Break, or at the idiotic, pandering media for giving them their five minutes of fame. If you’ve been living under a rock, or perhaps hanging out at a Hamilton STI clinic (more on that later), you might have missed today’s “breaking news” on both...

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It’s time to vote YES, Aussie

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Given the impending postal survey on gay marriage across the ditch, now’s probably a good time to revisit a speech by an obviously well-raised young man who shows that sexual orientation has nothing to do with your value as a person. It just baffles me that in 2017, we’re still having this debate. Everyone should be entitled to equal rights. It’s a no-brainer, really. Do the right thing, Aussie. Vote YES.

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Zuckerberg would be an improvement

Zuckerberg would be an improvement

It seems there’s been some speculation that Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg is planning to have a crack at running for president, but the wealthy tech guru has poured cold water on the rumours. The rumours came about after he hired an ex-Whitehouse photographer to be his personal photographer, and also publicly renounced his atheism. Because it seems being an orange buffoon is acceptable when it comes to being leader of the free world, but...

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Bullshit bullfight traditions

Bullshit bullfight traditions

There’s been plenty of backlash around the world over plans to slaughter the mother of a bull that fatally gored a Spanish matador, but I doubt that will stop the blood-thirsty cretins from going ahead with their plan. Yes, you read that right: some knob decides he want to be a big, brave hero and be a matador, the bull gets the better of him, so those involved in the “sport” will kill of...

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And the winner is … Chorus

And the winner is … Chorus

The gushing news reports would have us believe that everyone in Dunedin is celebrating their little corner of the world winning the much-hyped Gigatown competition but let’s be honest: it’s Chorus that should be doing all the celebrating. This year-long marketing “competition” was a brilliant marketing ploy for the company: the lovely citizens of the various towns and cities wanting access ultra-fast broadband took part in quizzes and promotions that used the “gigatown” tag,...

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Ice, ice baby

It seems like everyone in celebrity-land is jumping on the ice challenge bandwagon at the moment, with a raft of famous faces taking part in a soggy challenge in the name of a good cause. And it has to be said: Bill Gates has geekified the whole thing and taken it to a new level. Do I detect a spot of deja vu? Didn’t we already do that here? OK, so our watery warriors...

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Now you see it …

Now you see it …

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He was such a nice boy

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Small victory for fat chicks

Small victory for fat chicks

Radio presenter Rachel Smalley found herself in the poo after a not-so-timely comment or two this week but it was her attempt to weasel her way out of it that offended me. Smalley thought her mic was turned off after a news story about the effectiveness of an emergency contraceptive pill for women weighing more than 70kg. Obviously gravely offended by the knowledge that the average New Zealand bloke-ess weighs in at  (gasp) 72kg,...

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Bet that was uncomfortable

Bet that was uncomfortable

This is why it is important for headline writers to have dirty minds!

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