It made me laugh

However you want to spell it (humor/humour), it’s the stuff that I find funny. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll agree with me but luckily it’s a free world.

Taking multi-tasking to a new level

thermI know we’re all keen on multi-purpose gadgets, like smartphones with all their phone and texty cleverness blended in with cameras and MP3 players, but I reckon this might just be taking things a little too far: I’d prefer a thermometer that is either/or, not a multi-tasking clever clogs that can get you at either end. And the “giant” part of the description is a tad disturbing, too.

Makes my eyes water just thinking about it.


Hardly worth claiming the insurance, then?



Ducking hell, they’re everywhere …



Achieving inner peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished, so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u blody luvum!!!


(Disclaimer: No, not really … my cardiologist would have a fit!)


I wonder what sides come with it?



He was such a nice boy



One of those days



Fun with veges



Clean one-liners

Who’d have thunk it: I know some clean jokes! OK, so they aren’t particularly funny but it’s a hard road finding the perfect joke.

Why is the ocean wet?

Because the sea weed.


Why did the fly fly?

Because the spider spied her.


What do you call a kungfu pig?



What do you call a blind deer?

No idea.


What do you call a dead blind deer?

Still no idea.


How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler!


Undercover elephants

Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

Good disguise, eh?

nail polish

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Jillian "George" Allison-Aitken

I live in the deep south of New Zealand, where smelly dairy cows are taking over from sheep in the livestock stakes. My hometown is the small but perfectly formed city of Invercargill, which is also the hometown of the original boy racer, Burt Munro. Find out more about me here.