A Christmas poem

December 25, 2011
By

SANTA_BA2aTwas the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed

He cursed out the elves and threw down his list

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works

I’ve busted my arse for damn near a year

Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night

The elves want more money – The raindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids

Donner is pregnant, and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better

The arseholes from IRD sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes if that aint damn funny

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?

And all the kids these days – they are all the pits

They want the impossible.. Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls… Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo’s – No request for them

They want computers and robots… They think I’m f**kin IBM!

If you think that’s bad… just picture this

Try holding those brats.. with their pants full of piss

They pull on my nose – they grab my beard

And if I dont smile – their mums think I’m weird

Flying thru the air… dodging the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I’m quitting this job.. there’s just no enjoyment

I’ll sit on my fat arse, and draw unemployment

Theres no Christmas this year… now you know the reason!!

I found me a blonde, I’m going SOUTH for the season!!!

I’ll laze in the sun, into bed I’ll get tucked

And those snotty nosed brats… can go and get f**ked.

santa-claus-photos

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MEET YOUR BLOGGER

Jillian "George" Allison-Aitken

I live in the deep south of New Zealand, where smelly dairy cows are taking over from sheep in the livestock stakes. My hometown is the small but perfectly formed city of Invercargill, which is also the hometown of the original boy racer, Burt Munro. Find out more about me here.

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