Santa: online and out of control

December 20, 2009
By

Are you a Twit? Or whatever it is those of us who use Twitter should be called (Twitchy perhaps, or Twats?)

Anyway, brace yourselves kiddies. Santa is online and, well, loaded, via a Twitter account named loadedsanta (no surprise there, I guess). It would appear the big guy isn’t a fan of Africa, Baltimore or Cleveland. Or Kanye West, Christmas carols and elves.

He does, however, seem to like the idea of titty bars in the North Pole.

Or Christmas carol, either.

Some highlights include:

Guess who’s totally not getting laid tonight because his wife’s totally being a bitch? Rhymes with Manta Blaws.

Hey Timmy from Utah. Your parents are unemployed. Let’s change “iPod” to “shitty $10 mp3 player you can buy at a gas station.

Don’t worry people. Don’t worry. Like I’m *not* going to shit in Kanye’s stocking.

Who said I loved every place on Earth? Have you been to south Cleveland? Fuck that shit.

You better watch out, you better not cry.” What is that, a rape anthem? Fucking carols man

North Pole is full of boring-ass shit. Oh yeah. The elves can make “toys of wonder” but can’t build a couple titty-bars? Bitches.

Santa speaks every language on Earth. Even binary! For all you virgins.

“Holy infant so tender and mild.” Really? Who’s the creepo that wrote that lyric?

Little Mikey in Toronto wants a Twilight book! Good choice, son. That should go well with your uterus.

Secret Santa? What bullshit. Want a real secret? At this age, I can’t shit without crying.

Santa’s busy! These Barbies aren’t going to creepily fondle themselves.

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