(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)
The countdown continues and it’s now a mere five sleeps until Santa hits town, so with any luck you’re more organised than I am for the big day — after all my bragging last week about being ahead of schedule with the Christmas shopping, I’ve come to a screaming halt and still have 3 and a half gifts to find.
I think I need to put myself back into a festive frame of mind, and what could be better for that than the dulcet tones of Noddy and the boys from Slade singing probably one of the very best Christmas songs. Ever. If that doesn’t put a sparkle in your tinsel, I don’t know what will.
If the song doesn’t float your boat, simply soak up the atmosphere and the classic 1970s sideburns — you don’t get them like that these days.
This whole gift-giving thing can be a bit of a nightmare but never fear, some chick by the name of MP Dunleavy has lots of practical advice on what you shouldn’t buy. She makes no mention of the voice-controlled Dalek, so if you’re running out of ideas, that could be a good option. Yes, that’s a Dalek, just like the ones stalking Dr Who. These guys who have been hell-bent on universal conquest and destruction for years. So long as it doesn’t involve stairs, Daleks aren’t good with stairs.
If a stylie Dalek isn’t for you, how about something a bit less other worldly? Like the George Bush dunny brush from the good people at Bowl Buddy? Sticking with the toilet humour theme, there’s always the Subtle Butt disposable gas neutraliser. Yes folks, it’s a fart shield, a fabric patch with activated carbon that you stick to your undies to stop methane meltdowns in their tracks. There’s even a video demonstration on the site.
This Christmas thing isn’t all fun and games though, in fact it can be downright scary for some of us. Especially when plonked on the lap of a strange bloke and stalked by a photographer. Not all children are enamoured of the man in red.
Have a great Christmas.