Stuck for a pressie? No ducking way

(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)

New role model: Trailer Trash Talkin' Turleen is a classy gift — perfect for that special someone.

New role model: Trailer Trash Talkin' Turleen is a classy gift — perfect for that special someone.

Dear Santa,
I have been a very good girl this year and would like to submit my list of Christmas requirements for your perusal.

My poor, long-suffering husband says I can’t have a puppy or Goran Visnjic for Christmas so I’ve had to revise my options.

No 1 on the list is an iPod. Judging by the lack of stock at Bond and Bond, I’m guessing I’m not the only one who spotted the slight hiccup in the company’s mailer a couple of weeks ago. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping there will be fresh stock in store before Christmas. Oh, and a big pat on the back to Bond and Bond for deciding to honour the mistakenly advertised price of less than $200 for a 2GB Nano.

The Prank Place still has the ever-popular Pull My Finger Farting Santa and Humphrey the Humping Dog (a stuffed toy chihuahua with his own special brand of affection).However, I’m leaning towards Trailer Trash Talkin’ Turleen. She’s just like a Barbie doll — well, apart from the burping, drinking and smoking. And the fact that she’s knocked up.

With the week I’ve had at work so far, the Whatever Clock is also a contender. This one is the perfect gift for the recipient who doesn’t give a toss.

Looking for the ultimate in laziness? How about a motorised ice cream cone? This could come in handy with the current heatwave here in the south (hope I haven’t jinxed it). This is from the same site that brings you the fingertip nose-hair trimmer. Ouch.

Archie McPhee Toys and Gifts has a fine array of potential pressies — from a latex vulture and a giant ear to the oh-so-classy pink flamingo.

Duckloads: The Devil Duckies range has something for everyone. Duckloads: The Devil Duckies range has something for everyone.

However, when it comes to our feathered friends, I’m more of a duck fan. I like ducks. They make me smile.

And I’ve found the ultimate duck.

The Giant Duck at I Want One of Those measures 32cm x 27cm x 23cm. It’s big, it’s yellow and it’s the king of the bath.

As the site says, one of the many drawbacks of growing up and getting bigger is that all our toys get smaller. “Once there was a time when having a bath was an adventure, we splashed in a steaming sea with mighty beasts lurking amidst the bubbles. Then we grew up and suddenly we were in a small tub with a tiny little duck — and that’s not meant to be a metaphor.”

If you’re looking for something a little smaller, I’ve struck the motherlode of ducks. Archie McPhee’s Devil Duckies has something for everyone with camouflage ducks, duck shower curtains, duck bandages, dead ducks, jumbo ducks, leopard print ducks, pirate ducks and more.

I’m in ducking heaven.

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