John Tamihere: at least someone’s laughing at his jokes.
(This is the Online column, written for The Southland Times)
I feel sorry for John Tamihere. Not because he thought the interview for Investigate Magazine was off the record. No one could be that gullible.
Not because he’s been lambasted in the press both here in New Zealand and overseas. He’s deserved every bit of it.
Not because he’s been forced to take leave after his little outburst. I wouldn’t mind being sent on holiday every time I got a bit outspoken at the office.
I feel sorry for wee Johnny because his attempted insults are pathetic. All around the country, 7-year-old children are sniggering over his lack of finesse in the insult-mongering department. This man couldn’t hold his own (and I mean that in a clean way) in a slanging match with the average child if those are the best digs he can come up with.
If you’re reading this, John, and you’re ready to step it up to the next level, how about adding something a little more poetic to your sniping vocabulary. The Shakespeare Insult Generator will randomly generate an elegant phrase or two for you to utter during your next interview. It even gives the source of the quote so you can slip that into the conversation, too. Thou art a very superficial, ignorant, unweighing fellow (from Measure for Measure).
Former Aussie prime minister Paul Keating had a nice touch when it came to insults. He once said of current Prime Minister John Howard (back when he was the leader of the opposition): “I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot…” Nice.
You can read more of his polished words at the Paul Keating Insults Archive.
Of course, when it comes to politicians with highly developed verbal jousting skills, the late Sir Robert Muldoon was in a class of his own.
In 1981 he came out with: “New Zealand was colonized initially by those Australians who had the initiative to escape” .hat kind of eclipses Tamihere’s “front-bum” and “tosser”.
There’s a list of the 25 best insults at www.bigempire.com/gift/millennium2002/insults.html. I’m not sure that they all deserve to be on the list but some of them are pretty good.
Anyway, I think it’s time young Mr Tamihere learned to play nicely and stop throwing around those sad excuses for insults.
I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if I referred to him as a peenub, a slang term for someone who has been short-changed in the family jewel department.